The ultimate loss is when we lose ourselves

The ultimate loss is when we lose ourselves

There is an invisible loss in our life that could be and should be avoided, that is the loss of one’s self. Still, it happens more often than we are aware of it.

Many of us fear of losing money, car, job, property, social status, partnership, friendship, physical appearance etc. In desperation of keeping these, slowly but surely we start losing ourselves. We tend to get obsessed with the tangible losses and ignore the intangible ones. After all, we are humans.

Just out of curiosity we can shift the focus and see what happens if we change the sequence. We put ourself first, we insist on having us, and let go any other expectation, possession related to the outside world. I try to give you a couple of ideas what I mean on that.

  • We stop betraying ourselves. When we want to say No, we will courageously do that, even if it means confrontation.
  • We stand up for what we believe in. We keep our back straight even in storm. We do not bend left or right just because it’s more convenient.
  • We don’t please people out of fear that they will leave us.
  • We stop rescuing people. We accept the fact that there are people, even loved ones, who don’t want to be saved. They will suffer, even sink but this is out of our territory. With those who ask for our help we use discernment.
  • We stop apologizing for who we are. People need to accept us for exactly the way we are. We take responsibility for our behavior, our actions and if we make mistake, we clean it up. But we aren’t afraid of showing our true self.
  • We don’t seek approval, validation outside of us. We are the source of everything.
  • We set up boundaries, not barriers, and we keep them. We define where we end and where others start. We know that there is a treasure inside that needs to be protected.
  • We don’t violate our own values. We define our core values and we stick to them no matter what.
  • We don’t ignore our intuition. Our heart is the right compass, not our head. The head is there to serve the heart. If we operate the other way around then we will find ourselves in many troubles. For that we need courage and faith tough.
  • With all of our senses we search for our life purpose and we don’t stop until we find it. Once our soul is set on fire we know we are at the right place. From that moment on we use tunnel vision and resist any temptation that could redirect us from our path. We stop fearing of losing our material possessions. However we do fear of running out of time and not being able to complete what we came for.

Certainly I could add more to the list. Even the above mentioned topics have such a deep content that they would deserve an own blog post.

If losing the ones self is an invisible loss, how do we know if it has occurred or we are on the way to that?

The answer is that we do not really know this, but we feel it and sense it for sure. If we aren’t loyal to ourself, the consequences are huge. We feel frustrated, bitter, angry, envy, depressed, anxious, guilty, ashamed, unsettled and exhausted most of the time. Physically we are still alive, but inside we are dying, life is leaving us.

What happens when we start being loyal to ourselves?

Interestingly, the consequences are big here too. Most likely we will experience the loss of job, people, situations, financial resources that aren’t aligned with us anymore. If we keep prioritizing ourself and don’t get scared of the necessary losses, after a while we will start gaining. There is always a delay what happens internally and what the outside world mirrors back. Patience is required. The right job, the right people will show up and we will experience abundance in every area of our life. Most importantly however, we will feel inner peace. It is priceless, there is no money in the world that could buy this feeling. That is the biggest reward of our dedication to ourselves.

“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. – is sure to be noticed.”      

 Søren Kierkegaard          

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