Heal with grief
At first this statement might sound weird. For me it took several years and several experiences with loss and grief to be able to realize that grief itself isn’t the problem. Grief is actually the solution and running away from it can cause more damage and can lead to further losses that are sometimes bigger than the primary one.
Still most of us tend to avoid going though the grieving process. There are several reasons for that. We can say that we weren’t taught by our parents or relatives how to handle grief. Certainly there is something in it however I don’t think we can blame anyone for not dealing with our emotions after the loss occurred. I find that avoiding grief is more our choice.
The most obvious reason for lack of grief is that the loss hasn’t been acknowledged. I wouldn’t go further into this as I assume that it doesn’t apply for those who are visiting my website.
Grief is very painful, sometimes extremely painful. It requires a lot of energy to process all of the emotions. If we were honest with ourselves, this is something that we would like to avoid at all cost. When we grieve, we often have intense and enduring feelings of disbelief, shock, despair, sadness, and guilt that can be hard to deal with. Often we feel relieved and liberated that can cause even more confusion. These feelings are normal and there is nothing to be ashamed about. Experiencing them are the necessary part of the healing process. So we can unblock energies, ease the pain and move on with our life.
Sometimes it isn’t about running away from the pain that we will certainly experience during the grieving process. We have sufficient pain threshold, we acknowledge the loss, we have the time and energy to grieve however we make the subconscious sometimes conscious decision not to do so. We might feel that if we let ourselves grieve we will completely lose the last link to a certain person, place or situation. My experience is that it is impossible to forget someone or something that once meant a lot for us. What happens instead is that after grieving the memory will remain but more in a neutral way. It will be integrated into our life story however it won’t interfere with our daily life.
We might fear that after a profound grief we won’t be the same person as we used to be. This is true. Behind pain there is love, both of them transform us greatly but in a good way. Strong pain humbles us, genuine love dispels any illusion. It could happen that after a loss we feel rather hurt, than in actual pain. In this case our ego was bruised and not our heart was broken. Here we have to be careful, a bruised ego can lead us to destruction.
Also, I think there is a correlation between self-love and willingness to grieve. Those who love themself enough intuitively feel that grieving is the solution, the medicine. And they listen to their intuition. They know they deserve to feel better whatever the external circumstances are.